hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and i know she didn’t mean anything by it but when she says things like ‘you know people would kill for your figure’ it makes me feel all… guilty? because….??? idk i like my body and i’m aware that i’m attractive and it almost feels like a waste, i guess?
it’s a lot harder to hear those kind of things after i started viewing my body as androgynous instead of just really feminine(?) so i don’t even understand what i’m feeling right now
i can’t organize my thoughts hhhhhhhhhHH
just saying if i were talking about my self-harm scars to somebody i care about and they opened up photoshop and airbrushed all my scars away i would seriously punch them in the fucking face WHY DOES THIS HAVE SO MANY NOTES
two things:
1) while i am feeling a lot better compared to earlier i feel like my recovery has been set back a few notches and it’ll probably take me a few days to get back to the point i was at yesterday and that’s only if my mom doesn’t try and interfere again which she probably will
and
2) random things i’m dysphoric about: i usually never notice my boobs when i’m not paying attention to myself but right now i can just feel the fold of skin between my tit and my chest or whatever i can’t describe it well but i hate this i want top surgery really badly sob
